Holding Liminal Space
Maybe the idea of holding liminal space sounds a bit woo-woo? I invite you to say with me though, this might just help you make sense of how you are feeling at the moment. It might also give you some hope for the future and something that might help you to feel grounded at this time.
A Threshold
Liminal space is a threshold. The threshold of your previous identity, way of organising your time or work and a new sense of being. It is a space of in-between. We are, I believe, in a space from which we can emerge with a new perspective, a new way of living, a new way of leading and of working.
Right now you are in a liminal space. We are all in a liminal space, a time of fear, uncertainty, struggle and ultimately discomfort. This is both an individual and a collective process.
Have you noticed how quickly our vocabulary has changed? We quickly started to talk about/ tweet about home schooling and working from home, we even have a new trending hashtag #WFH. We do this because we are hardwired to make sense of our experiences and we use (perhaps even overuse) words to help us make sense of things.
While this helps bring some comfort let’s also be careful of the expectations this creates for ourselves and others. You are not working from home or home-schooling, we are at home during a pandemic trying to work and learn. We are all managing a transition from a way of being we knew well (what we considered 'normal') to something that is changing daily and is yet still very unknown.
A Place of Learning
Liminal space is a place of learning. It is a space where you can build a new understanding, a new self-concept, a new societal identity. Just like with any learning it is often the process that is more important and more powerful than the answer itself. In this space we can feel lost, we need to keep with it, stay with the struggle and we will grow.
It can feel uncomfortable to be in this space, this I know! It can also feel like a time of possibility, something I’ve also experienced. My personal experience is that it is often both at the same time. You might feel challenged, scared at the same time as you feel liberated by the possible future, the things you’ve let go of.
This is a space for reflection about what to retain and what to let go. This is where you are now, you are being required to reset in every possible way and I believe we all need to take time to figure some things out.
Hold It
We need to hold this liminal space for ourselves so that we can hold the space for others. Here are some things to bear in mind for both yourself and others.
Don’t try to fix the struggle, we can’t shortcut this. It’s messy and it’s hard, the best growth always is.
Be prepared for the rollercoaster, some days you will be positive and energised and other days you will ‘rubbish’. There will be light and dark and not necessarily in equal amounts.
Try to remain present in the process without fixating too much on a specific outcome, be curious about what you are learning, enjoying or struggling with.
Meaning will come but make sure you have time and space for this, don’t rush to make sense to reduce the discomfort.
Anchor Yourself
One thing that can help to ground you while you navigate this liminal space is to revisit or get really clear about your core values. I invite you now to get really clear on what your values are and to what extent you are currently living these values.
Thinking back over your life so far, what are your peak experiences? The moments, experiences of times in your life that really stand out as your moments of ‘highest happiness and fulfilment’ (Maslow, 1964). These are your moments, they might not be the ones you think they ‘should be’, be mindful of this, be honest and true to yourself. Don’t rush through this, give yourself time to think and reflect.
Once you have identified your peak moments, what was it about them that were so special for you? Use these reflections to identify your 2 (or 3) core values. Sometimes it can be helpful to have a list of values to help – you can access one here, it’s not exhaustive but can be a useful prompt.
Lived Not Laminated
Now that you have your core values, I want you to get specific about them. What does each one mean to you, how would you describe it? A friend of mine describes your values as being like your finger print, they are unique to each of us. You and a friend or a colleague may both share the value of say ‘creativity’ but what that means to each of you and how you action that value will be different. For each of your core values identify three behaviours that support or ‘live’ the value and three ‘slippery behaviours’ (the things you may be tempted to but are counter to your values). Click here to access a brief worksheet.
When we live and work in a way that is aligned to our values we feel our most content, satisfied and happy. How has the COVID-19 pandemic impacted on your ability to live your values. On a scale of 1 – 10, how able are you to live your values at the moment? It might be that the normal ways are no longer possible but perhaps there are other ways you can do this at the moment.
Be Bold
During turbulent times it can be useful to reconnect with your core values and use them to anchor yourself, your family or your team. I would like to leave you with the following questions as you move through this liminal space we find ourselves in:
What new ways can you live your values at the moment?
What new ways might you live your values in the future?
How could you be bolder in how live your values?
This is not about identifying a destination or outcome, this is about using your North Star to help guide you.
